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The Sacrament of Marriage
Congratulations on your future wedding in our Church. We hope this service of the Church will make this special occasion easier for all concerned. The following information may take a few minutes to read however, you will find it answers most of the questions we encounter from couples and their families. PLEASE READ IT CAREFULLY AND IN ITS ENTIRETY. A Church wedding is a SERVICE OF WORSHIP - A LITURGY, uniting a couple in the bonds of Holy Matrimony. It shall be conducted as a service of worship, according to the rubrics, Canons, and guidelines of the Episcopal Church, and under the direction of the Rector, or other clergy of Trinity Church, Wheaton. It is not necessary for a wedding to be elaborate to be beautiful. True beauty lies in the spirit and attitude of those who take part. We ask that each of you comply with the following guidelines in order that no details may be overlooked in making your wedding one of the happiest and holiest moments of your life.
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INTRODUCTION There is more to marriage than just a wedding. In many families, so much energy goes into preparing for the wedding (and even more for the reception) that preparing for marriage is often overlooked or assumed. Please contact the Church office 665-1101 about the date of the wedding and to set an appointment to see the Clergy.
PREPARING FOR THE
MARRIAGE
PREPARING FOR THE
WEDDING
WHAT KIND OF SERVICE?
MAY WE HAVE COMMUNION?
MAY NON-EPISCOPALIANS
RECEIVE COMMUNION?
HOW LONG WILL THE
SERVICE LAST? NOTE, however, that the length of the service depends more on the length of the procession, the amount of music chosen, and the lateness in starting.
PARTICIPANTS IN THE
WEDDING SERVICE The best man is in charge of the groom. He ensures that the groom gets to his place on time. He takes charge of the marriage license and ensures that it gets to the rehearsal. He is in charge of both wedding rings, and carries them during the ceremony. He also signs documents as directed by the officiating priest. The maid (matron) of honor helps the bride dress. She ensures that the bride gets to her place on time. She should watch over the other bridesmaids, and work with the bride to ensure that they are where they belong, at appropriate times. She signs documents at the direction of the officiating priest. The Canons of the Episcopal Church require two witnesses to any marriage. Traditionally these are the best man and the maid (matron) of honor. Other attendants who may be used are groomsmen and bridesmaids. You may use as many as you wish, but more than four of each causes crowding due to limitation of space. Ushers – You should have at least two users. You need not have more than four. Ushers should not double as groomsmen as they are needed to help in seating latecomers and escorting the mothers of both the bride and groom. You may use ring bearer(s) and flower girl(s) if you wish. The ring bearer does not carry the actual rings. We request that the flower girl not drop too many petals on the floor as they are difficult to pick up afterward.
Involve as many friends and relatives as you can. Friends can participate
in the service in the following ways: Readers - Reading the Lessons before the Gospel (two readings and a psalm), or leading the Prayers of the People (Book of Common Prayer, pp. 429-430). Acolytes - Young people (or adults) may be used to carry the cross or torches. They may also be used to assist at the Altar. Please speak with the clergy early on in the preparations about this, if you wish to use an acolyte. Clergy relatives or clergy friends may participate in the service; however the clergy of Trinity will preside. Please consult with the clergy of Trinity early in the planning so they may extend the courtesy of an invitation to visiting clergy. If pictures are to follow the ceremony, a substitute hostess at the reception could be used until the mother of the bride arrives. Ask someone to oversee the guest book, and someone to see to gifts brought to the church. Involving others brings them into the celebration!
OBTAINING THE MARRIAGE
LICENSE Information regarding the Marriage License: 1. There is a one-day waiting period. (This actually amounts to overnight, rather than twenty-four hours). 2. The license is good for sixty (60) days.
THE REHEARSAL Who - The rehearsal should be attended by the parents of both bride and groom, all ushers, groomsmen, bridesmaids, maid (Matron) of honor, best man, groom and bride, participants such as readers and acolytes, if chosen, should also be present. Others may attend if they wish. What to bring;
1. The marriage license. The parish register and the license will be signed at the rehearsal or at the discretion of the Clergy. The rehearsal should begin on time. The actual rehearsal lasts approximately 45 minutes. Many people are involved and good manners dictate respect for their time. The timetable will be determined at the rehearsal; for example, when to seat the mothers, when the bride should come to the back of the church, when photographs should be taken, etc. These decisions will be made in consultation with the officiating priest. No alcoholic drinking prior to the rehearsal or the wedding! Members of the Altar Guild will be present for the rehearsal and on the day of the wedding. Their function is to assist with the rehearsal and be of service to the bridal party. The Altar Guild will be in touch with the bride about 2 weeks prior to the service.
FEES
DECORATING THE CHURCH Flowers - Please consult with a member of the Altar Guild before ordering flowers. Flowers in the sanctuary are placed only on the reredos (behind/beside the Altar) in the Church Vases. Ribbons are not permitted. The Altar arrangements are to be left for Church on Sunday. The bride and groom will be recognized as having given the flowers in the Sunday bulletin. Candles - The candles on the altar are lit for all services at Trinity. The candelabra may be used. Please consult with the clergy and the Altar Guild. We do not permit the so called "unity candle." No candles on the pews will be allowed. Aisle runner – The Church does own an aisle runner that may be rented. No aisle runner is permitted in the Chapel. (No other runner may be used.)
MUSIC Music appropriate to the joy and solemnity of the occasion should be selected for the wedding. Secular, theatrical or operatic tunes (including the "Wedding March") are not to be used. If organ music is desired, the parish organist will be used at all weddings held in the church. Any solos which are sung should be of an appropriate and sacred nature. Secular popular music does not have a place in this liturgy. The primary factor in making decisions about a sung selection will be its text. All decisions relating to any music chosen will be at the discretion of the Music Director. Any final decisions will, of course, be made by the Rector. Should the bridal couple wish to make use of a different organist for the service, this must be cleared with the Music Director. It will be necessary for the visiting organist to meet with our parish organist to discuss the use of the organ. In addition, and in keeping with the established rules of the American Guild of Organists, it will still be necessary to pay our organist the standard base fee for the wedding.
BULLETINS The service bulletins can be prepared by our parish secretary, and can be printed in our parish office. The format should be approved by the clergy. Usually there are three 'blank pages,' which maybe used for added information.
PHOTOGRAPHS Picture taking after the service is limited to one hour. Remember you are in charge of the photographer. Many couples now have their wedding pictures taken before the celebration begins, when they are fresher. Video tape equipment may be used, but with the same restrictions as for the photographer. No camera may be placed in the chancel. No microphones may be placed up front. A wireless microphone, worn by the bride or groom, would be acceptable.
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING The groom and his men should arrive at the church at least 45 minutes before the ceremony. He and his attendants may wait in the assigned area until summoned. This will be an exciting day and nerves will be on edge. But please, no alcoholic beverages before the wedding to "calm the nerves." This is too important and serious a day to have our senses dulled. We will begin on time. Starting as close to 'on time' as possible is not only good manners and common courtesy, it is also a gift you give to all those who are giving you the gift of their presence.
USEFUL HINTS Provide a map showing the route from the church to the reception; this may be distributed as guests leave the church. Decide beforehand which family members are to sit in which pews - usually grandparents will sit in front with the parents. Decide how many pews are needed for relatives. Tell them where you want them to sit, and they should tell the ushers. One other note: Since you would want your guests to enter into your joy as fully as possible, try to avoid along delay between the wedding and the reception. Such delays will often mean that some guests will choose between attending the wedding or the reception. |